I am a Survivor

Admin Joined: 25 Aug 2005 Posts: 85 Location: Australia

As a christian we are meant to pledge to be pure of heart until our wedding night and then only sleep with one partner. How do you handle the topic of virginity especially those people who like me lost their virginity to R*pe / sexual Ab*se.

My 16 yr old cousin was bragging that she was sweet sixteen and never been kissed and 100% pure of heart and its like wow i never got a chance to be that. I was raped at the age of 17 and my virginity was something i had been planning to save until i was married.

How do you explain to your partners who knows that u are a christian that you lost your virginity to R*pe. My BF at the time accused me of betraying him because my perp raped me do many people think like that or is that just my ex's weird and warped thinking.

Also how do u deal with other people talking about waiting for marriage ? because it just seems for me to rub salt into a very sore wound. I think its great that christian teens are waiting for marriage BUT in the same respect its now a gift which i can't give my husband because some idiot decided to claim it as his.

What do you think ?

- Shaz

Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 7:51 pm

Dear Shaz,

I completly understand your concern...you feel damaged...like no good Christian man would ever want to marry you now. Embarassed

I have been reminded by many here on this board that in God's eyes, I am now white as snow!!!! I believe that!!! I believe that for you too!!! Very Happy

I believe God can even use this for good in your life as a good Christian man that God intends for you to marry will treat you with respect and compassion and see you as his pure bride!!!!

Loving you in the Lord!

-BlondieLashes

Loving Heart Joined: 24 Aug 2005 Posts: 55

Shaz, A true Christian man is one who walks in the Light of The Word of Jesus Christ, not in false worldly prentense. Such a man sees your heart and your soul and God stirs the love in this man for you. I had to wait 50 years for God to send me my true intended.

Fifty years was nothing to wait for my husband. Praise God

Moderator Joined: 26 Aug 2005 Posts: 9 Location: Arkansas

Hey Shaz. I know how you feel. I did not have my virginity taken by force, but it was coerced out of me because of my stupidity and because I listened to satan's lies instead of listening to my conscience. After I gave in to this guy that I just "knew" I was gonna marry (and we were supposedly engaged, although I never saw a ring), things just kinda went downhill. I thought he really loved me. We were together for 8 or 9 months, and during that time he went to basic training. He cheated on me while he was there.. apparently with alot of women. After I broke up with him, I felt like I was no good to anyone and worthless. That the only reason anyone would want me was for sex. So for that sad reason, I turned around and did it again with someone else, who I found out was also very promiscuous. This didn't last long though.. I finally woke up and realized that I was worth more. I hid what I was doing from my family. (I was only 19 when all this happened) They have never found out to this day. But God in his mercy spared me alot of things.. I could have gotten pregnant, gotten an STD, or AIDS. I know I only had 2 partners before I got married, but if felt like 100 because of the guilt. But when God washed me clean and forgave me, he made me new again. Not physically of course, but he made me a "secondary virgin" in my heart. What he makes pure is pure, and nothing can take that away from you. So whether you gave your virginity away, or it was stolen, God can make you new, if you let him do so. You have to change your mindset of yourself, and realize that you truly are God's little princess. Any man who is worth anything if he too is a Christian, will understand and see you for who you are in Christ, not thru your past.

Much Love and Hugs,
Donna

Moderator Joined: 29 Aug 2005 Posts: 2 Location: OR

*big hugs* As I know exactly how you feel. I did have my virginity taken away by force, and I felt terrible about it. I lived in my own world for a long time afterwards. And then i had sex with another guy that 'loves' me. But let me tell you something. My boyfriend NOW, the one i'm still with, that i slept with, does understand what the word R*pe means. And even though I've re-set my boundries, he hasn't left me or anything.

HOWEVER, there was a guy I dated on and off for three years. While we were dating, I was raped, and I was only thirteen. I'm fifteen now. I told him the summer after it happened because I was living in a world of pain and hurt. He called me some names, and I won't repeat them, but they are definately the most hurtful names you could call someone who's been raped. So I know what it is like.

I don't think that it is every guy that is like that, I think that there are just some guys tbhat are out there that are really messed up and do not understand the pain that being forced can give you.

Maybe this is because they are sexaholics and can't understand how anyone wouldn't want that, maybe they think that all girls are ****s, but either way, those kinds of guys we just need to ignore, and not listen to them, because they are liars, they are the types of men that satan sends out to make you feel horrible so he can kick you while you're down.