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lucybee
New Creation in Christ Jesus


Joined: 25 Aug 2005
Posts: 23


Location: Texas

PostPosted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 10:00 pm  Reply with quoteBack to top

I am having a huge problem with this. I have talked to one person in my life about what happened, and then online about it. Everyone online says that what happened to me was r*pe, and the people that "know" what happened in my life tell me it wasnt. I think this is where I am having a problem....

I want to blame myself because I didnt stop the guy the first time he ever made me uncomfortable, and led him on. But then again I am smart and I KNOW that if he did r*ape me that it is all his fault and I am not to blame. My problem is that I cant convince myself one way or another.

I am having such a hard time, and I am so ashamed that sometimes it is hard to even breathe. I go from hating myself one moment to saying that I deserve all these feelings because I let things get out of hand.

I dont know what I want or need, or even why I am writing this, except maybe to vent....I'll probably come back later and talk more...

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Shaz
Admin


Joined: 25 Aug 2005
Posts: 85


Location: Australia

PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 2:31 am Reply with quoteBack to top

lucybee wrote:
I am having a huge problem with this. I have talked to one person in my life about what happened, and then online about it. Everyone online says that what happened to me was r*pe, and the people that "know" what happened in my life tell me it wasnt. I think this is where I am having a problem....

I want to blame myself because I didnt stop the guy the first time he ever made me uncomfortable, and led him on. But then again I am smart and I KNOW that if he did r*ape me that it is all his fault and I am not to blame. My problem is that I cant convince myself one way or another.

I am having such a hard time, and I am so ashamed that sometimes it is hard to even breathe. I go from hating myself one moment to saying that I deserve all these feelings because I let things get out of hand.

I dont know what I want or need, or even why I am writing this, except maybe to vent....I'll probably come back later and talk more...


Hey Lucy,

Shame was a huge thing that i struggled with as well and its so much easier for people to think that what happened wasn't R*pe because R*pe is such a dirty word. We need to speak out about this because its something that happens to way too many ppl and yet its still the silent crime - sorry just the advocate in me coming out Wink .

When you said stop or showed that you did not consent in anyway shape or form it was no longer your issue but that he was making himself liable because he couldn't take no for an answer. It doesn't matter if you were there naked infront of him (minus the whole morals issues) but as soon as you said no he should have stopped and because he didn't it is classed as R*pe

Be gentle with yourself

- Shaz

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I am a R*pe survivor and a child Ab*se survivor and a Child of God

~ Shaz
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lucybee
New Creation in Christ Jesus


Joined: 25 Aug 2005
Posts: 23


Location: Texas

PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 4:52 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Thanks Shaz I really needed that.

This weekend I had 2 different people tell me that I needed to get over it already. Well one told me to get over it and the other didnt know what happened but told me to get over "my problem"

All because a guy wanted to start a relationship with me. He is the best friend of the guy who r*ped me. I tried to be patient with him and explain that I wasnt ready for anything in my life right now. I know that I hurt him but I couldnt help it, I finally had to get up and run away so that he would leave me alone. That and the fact I do not like him and my friend kept pushing us together.

I am starting to realize that I did put myself in a bad situation and that is my only fault, He is entirely at fault for the sex part.


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