Ah, I have just betrayed my Californian roots there.
I have a question, and I hope this is the right place to post it. What would you tell someone if they were involved in the sex industry, and you wanted to help them get out of it? Basically, what do you wish SOMEBODY would have had the guts to say to you when you were thinking about it and when you got involved in it?
Some answers to that question might help other people who have loved ones in the industry somewhere. God knows people struggle under that every day.
My second question is, what can we, as a Christian community, do to help you out? I know that it's tough for people to re-enter society, normal society, if they are ex-cons, ex-druggies or drug dealers, ex-homosexuals, former prostitutes or members of the sex industry at any and every level. It's a kind of cross those people have to carry with them, and I'm wondering what we can do to lighten the load.
I know it can be difficult to get good jobs, for instance. So what are a few things we can do to assist you?
Blessings!
Jazzcat
Blondie Lashes
Hi Jazzie!
Leave it to you to post such a thought provoking, heart-felt question!
If I am understanding your first question correctly, you are wondering what to say to someone who is in the industry that is wanting to get out? If that is the question, in my experience, the first thing to do is LISTEN! Listen to their hurts, their concerns, their experiences. Let them know you care about them. Truly let your unconditional love show (for you that's not hard!).
Secondly, always be encouraging. It can take one negative comment from someone they respect to have them dive right back into the industry thinking that is all they are worth anyway. Choose your words carefully. Women in this industry are not used to being praised for anything beyond their body parts. So, if someone takes an interest in their heart and well-being, it's a shocker. It may take a long time for a girl in the industry to take you seriously. She may test your desire to help her by initially pushing you away. Paticence, politeness, constant caring and unconditional love are the way to go.
As far as what to offer to women/men trying to get out of the industry, I would say the same as above all over again. They need someone to believe in them. It may take checking in on them every day for a few years to make sure they are doing okay. Sometimes a woman may need job training...but usually confidence is what is needed to get a job even bore than skills....and most of the women in the industry lack confidence!!
Hope this helps. Just a brief answer to a very deep question!
As usual Jazzie, loving you in the Lord!
-BlondieLashes
Theresasjourney
I would say be willing to give them a place to live and help them get on their feet...and I am saying your own home. I have had survivors come and live at my home till they got on their feet...
and let your local church know your homme is open to helping and providing housing should anyone come to them for help....
If there are several homes networking through a church then one can really go minister in the industry and have legit help for them...
The question is always...WWJD....;o) unconditional love and sacrifice.
Jazzcat
Thanks, Blondie and Theresa! :hug: Both are great answers, and they will help alot. Very soon I want to write a short article on this very subject - helping someone escape the sex industry - and post it in the help section of our own forum so I can refer anyone struggling with this very thing to, what I have termed, "The Pink Forum".
Theresa, there is only one thing I noted about your post. It is good to open up your home to people in need, and if you are in a position to do that, great! Do it and more power to ya. But if you have a family depending on you, it may strain your homelife to bring in an outsider who needs help like that. It's not fair to your family, it's not fair to the one you're trying to help, and it's not fair to you. It's best to stay in close touch, making it clear you will always be there for them, and have another person co-help you with the living situation and so on.
Is that an accurate thing to say, do you think? I speak partially from personal experience - my own family has tried on a number of occasions to share our home and lives with people who were struggling with some type of major issue, and it yielded grave results.
Networking through a good church that you know you can trust is one of the best ideas. There are cell groups and support groups galore at this one church I go to, Belmont Church (non-denom) in downtown Nashville. They are such a community of real seekers and firm believers that I wouldn't hesitate for a second to place a fragile soul in their loving hands.
What are your opinions and comments on that?
Blessings infinite!
Jazzcat
Blondie Lashes
Hi Jazzie! How was your "vacation"? Hope you had a peaceful time!!!
I would tend to agree with you on not opening up your home to help women who want to leave the sex industry. Many times, women in this industry are very used to being depentant on someone or something else to provide for them. Other times (as in my case) the women might have to learn the value of a dollar on their own. When my hubby and I left the industry, we went from earning about $1000.00 - $1500.00 A DAY combined IN CASH (very little of which we saved) to not having any income. If we hadn't struggled financially for the last 4-5 years I don't think either of us would have a grasp on the way to budget, make due with only things you absolutely need, how to be less impulsive, etc.
The industry itself is one that promotes the idea that having lots of things in life will make you happy.....I now have been on the other side and know it's certainly not things that will make you happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jazzcat
Thanks, BlondieLashes - it was great! Not really a vacation (ha! I wish! All work and no play!!! ). Today was a day off because our whole family was too tired to do anything except eat and sleep. Tomorrow it's up and at 'em again!
The other thing about opening up your home is... well, this one's kinda tough. I can only imagine what it's like when you're used to people hurting you and you can't trust anyone. I try to dwell on it a lot so that the feeling does sink in and I can better relate to those who feel that way.
Natural instinct is to "strike first". Unfortunately, it happens a lot - with foster kids, adopted kids, former drug addicts, those escaping the sex industry - anyone with a dark past where their best friend could betray them at any time, and probably had at some point. Learning to trust again is so hard. You get scars in your heart and grow cold like stone, and then you want to burn your bridges before you give them a chance to hurt you first. That's the way I see it, anyway. It just seems like they do what they do out of sheer terror.
That is probably the biggest danger I have seen so far in opening up your home. If you're in a position to do that, it's great; and the more you have as far as numbers of responsible leaders helping you, the better. It's harder to take advantage of a large group as opposed to a small one - or a single individual.
How near to the mark do I strike on this one?
Blessings infinite!
Jazzcat
Blondie Lashes
Jazzie...How did you get so wise at your young age??!!
Hi my dear Jazzie! How did you get so wise at your young age???!!! It baffles me!!!!!!!!!
I would have to say again, you are right on the mark. I cannot tell you how many times I have hurt others before they could hurt me....I even tried to hurt my husband way back when we were dating. I was so afraid to let anyone get too close to me because I thought they would just hurt me. To this day I still say to my husband with awe in my voice, "You DO actually love me, don't you?!?!" And he always replies, "One day it will sink in. Until then I will just keep loving you!"
Again, Jazzie, you are right on the mark (at least in my case)!
-Courtney
Theresasjourney
Jazzcat wrote:
Thanks, Blondie and Theresa! :hug: Both are great answers, and they will help alot. Very soon I want to write a short article on this very subject - helping someone escape the sex industry - and post it in the help section of our own forum so I can refer anyone struggling with this very thing to, what I have termed, "The Pink Forum".
Theresa, there is only one thing I noted about your post. It is good to open up your home to people in need, and if you are in a position to do that, great! Do it and more power to ya. But if you have a family depending on you, it may strain your homelife to bring in an outsider who needs help like that. It's not fair to your family, it's not fair to the one you're trying to help, and it's not fair to you. It's best to stay in close touch, making it clear you will always be there for them, and have another person co-help you with the living situation and so on.
Is that an accurate thing to say, do you think? I speak partially from personal experience - my own family has tried on a number of occasions to share our home and lives with people who were struggling with some type of major issue, and it yielded grave results.
Networking through a good church that you know you can trust is one of the best ideas. There are cell groups and support groups galore at this one church I go to, Belmont Church (non-denom) in downtown Nashville. They are such a community of real seekers and firm believers that I wouldn't hesitate for a second to place a fragile soul in their loving hands.
What are your opinions and comments on that?
Blessings infinite!
Jazzcat
For sure there has to be Godly judgement...we didn't have any small kids..and my hubby and I were in agreement. there is no doubt that one has to have a strong family to support like this...and the space and means. Our guest had the whole upstairs with kitchen privies and laundry room and she had her own car and we litterally brought her to our state...she was from another state. That way she was removed from her circumstance....and contacts/perps...for a total fresh start. God has to be the leader in it...and I strongly felt lead as my hubby did to do this. Each person who has a heart for this ministry..God can use in some way and He will lead the way...networking can make provision in many areas...even for one night stays to get the gal to another state...so many options...God knows the needs...and can do much will willing hearts..;o)
Jazzcat
Re: Jazzie...How did you get so wise at your young age??!!
Blondie Lashes wrote:
Hi my dear Jazzie! How did you get so wise at your young age???!!! It baffles me!!!!!!!!!
I would have to say again, you are right on the mark. I cannot tell you how many times I have hurt others before they could hurt me....I even tried to hurt my husband way back when we were dating. I was so afraid to let anyone get too close to me because I thought they would just hurt me. To this day I still say to my husband with awe in my voice, "You DO actually love me, don't you?!?!" And he always replies, "One day it will sink in. Until then I will just keep loving you!"
Again, Jazzie, you are right on the mark (at least in my case)!
-Courtney
Good golly! Where did you find him?!? You guys are both just amazing - the stories I hear about both of you from each other just floor me. How intense is that?!?
You know what the coolest thing about you and your husband's relationship is? Mush. Yes, mush. You guys aren't afraid to be what some people term "mushy". In my ignorance of love, I also looked down on it until a year and a half ago. (I'll explain when I post my "testimony"; on how a cradle Christian finally woke up and began to find her own way to Jesus without relying on the faith of her parents.) Then, when I finally started to understand what was up with true love, I see now why mush is so awesome - and why it's everything.
I write love stories now, LOL! I don't write romance, I write love stories.
Your words are amazing, and I understand it partially from my own experience. I have fear of rejection that I've been striving to get over since I learned it was there in my character about a year and a half ago. So I've studied my own actions long and hard, and some of it actually makes sense to me! One of the best ways to overcome fear of rejection is to put yourself purposely in difficult situations where you must might be rejected. It's been working; I've softened up quite a bit. THE WALLS ARE TUMBLING DOWN, HALLELU!!!
I discovered such an opportunity for possible rejection just yesterday, and I pounced on it and grabbed it with both hands. The result was a million times worth the risk; a friendship has formed which I imagine will endure for the next twenty years.
You have to pick your spots and be prepared for the worst if you try this approach, because it's pretty radical - though it does work. (Deion Sanders, former football star and current football talk show personality, gave similar advice for anyone suffering from a foul mouth: He gave each person he cussed at $20 per cuss word. He cured himself quick! ) Start with safer situations first in a controlled environment, and open yourself up bit by bit. Gradually you will be courageous even when you are indeed rejected and hurt. (It sure helps to have Jesus to run to in such cases!) Later on, boldness comes with time and patience.
It's a process, it's a part of the journey; it certainly doesn't happen overnight and I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm cured. But I've made some progress. Because of that, I want to share it!
Blondie, what are some of the ways you've coped with these similar issues on a much grander scale?
I'm praying for you and the baby - and L1Rider too! Take good care of yourself.
Blessings!
Jazzcat
Jazzcat
Theresasjourney wrote:
For sure there has to be Godly judgement...we didn't have any small kids..and my hubby and I were in agreement. there is no doubt that one has to have a strong family to support like this...and the space and means. Our guest had the whole upstairs with kitchen privies and laundry room and she had her own car and we litterally brought her to our state...she was from another state. That way she was removed from her circumstance....and contacts/perps...for a total fresh start. God has to be the leader in it...and I strongly felt lead as my hubby did to do this. Each person who has a heart for this ministry..God can use in some way and He will lead the way...networking can make provision in many areas...even for one night stays to get the gal to another state...so many options...God knows the needs...and can do much will willing hearts..;o)
That's awesome that God has placed you in such a position to help someone make a complete break with their pasts. I agree - it's great to have a network that uproots them from everything that's familiar and moves them into a new life. God bless you guys and your continueing ministry.
Out of curiosity, do you know if there's a nationwide Christian network set up already to do this through churches?
Blessings,
Jazzcat
Theresasjourney
Jazzcat wrote:
Theresasjourney wrote:
For sure there has to be Godly judgement...we didn't have any small kids..and my hubby and I were in agreement. there is no doubt that one has to have a strong family to support like this...and the space and means. Our guest had the whole upstairs with kitchen privies and laundry room and she had her own car and we litterally brought her to our state...she was from another state. That way she was removed from her circumstance....and contacts/perps...for a total fresh start. God has to be the leader in it...and I strongly felt lead as my hubby did to do this. Each person who has a heart for this ministry..God can use in some way and He will lead the way...networking can make provision in many areas...even for one night stays to get the gal to another state...so many options...God knows the needs...and can do much will willing hearts..;o)
That's awesome that God has placed you in such a position to help someone make a complete break with their pasts. I agree - it's great to have a network that uproots them from everything that's familiar and moves them into a new life. God bless you guys and your continueing ministry.
Out of curiosity, do you know if there's a nationwide Christian network set up already to do this through churches?
Blessings,
Jazzcat
I really haven't looked into it....I bet it wouldn't take much research to see if a ministry of some kind is going or in the works..it would be interesting to know...
I don't write romance, I write love stories.