I am a Survivor

Loving Heart Joined: 24 Aug 2005 Posts: 55

This was unplanned, actually planned not to happen. But in a private message to another, it just started spilling out. Wondering what it meant, I also wondered if there was a purpose. Please remember that all this is in my past, but I think I have coped with it and God has sent me His Truth after 49 years. As it happened, there were no supports or human help or medical help nor did the mighty web exist but in imaginations of others.

Please do not think I present this outline in search of sympathy or prayers. All God has done for me has been unanswered prayers of mine and the miracles of His Plan for me. This story is just a reminder that it is never, ever too late or too much for one in anguish to just keep trying. Only when you fall, do you have to chance to learn that you can always get up again. This really is not as easy as I thought. It is hard to post this. I can't rewrite. the whole post. God forgive me if I am wrong.

Angel,

Ask BlondieLashes if there is anything you can't tell me. You would be completely shocked if you know all that I have survived. Alone. Never had a computer until 2001, never knew the online world. And back when I was being abused by my mother, who ran off my father, and forced to be alone in my childhood and told by my mother that nobody could ever love me. Of course, when I started working, I was lied to by men who used me, was gang raped, and was so hurt and confused I could hardly think straight.

After my mother forced me into an abortion of the baby I wanted so much to have and love, I nearly died from complications and tried to let myself bleed to death. Two years after that, I had a hellish marriage and a near suicide. Actually, I have had a number of nervous breakdowns, suicides, and a total crash and burn now and then. No one ever was there to speak to me or help me, not once. I had no friends, and my mother had alienated my relatives against me with vile lies that I had no idea she was telling them.

After the hellish marriage, mom took me back to finish my life of taking care of her until she died. After taking care of her while she was dying of Alzheimer's at home, I was then in a 13 year relationship with a married man who swore he would marry me. I worked with him for years helping him to make peace with his wife and children. Then, of course, he wanted to stay with them. I was crushed, I guess it was some kind of punishment. I nearly didn't get over it. I had to go through bankruptcy. Had no car, no friends, no relatives who cared. I worked when I could. And there were days I didn't have 50 cents, let alone a dollar. My cats got the only medical care and medicines and only because of a soft hearted veterinarian. Had to lug pet carriers and bags of cat food on city buses. I used city buses for 4 years.

All that time, I was not a Christian nor did I go to a church. But I was glad when I saw others that were loved and I always respected others, especially Christians. I did not read the Bible.

Finally found a good man and married at 49 and two years later, I was crippled and on disability.

I know a little.

PS. If you want, you can just call me Latte

Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 2:47 pm

You have endured so much and yet you have come out of it a stronger person for it and you r there for others ... I am blessed to know you ..
God Bless and Keep You

ladyh
x

Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 2:57 pm

My dearest spiritual Mom,

I love you Mom Lateria! You have been hurt repeatedly....I am so sorry. I don't say that sympathetically....I say it empathetically....I am sorry you have had to endure hell on earth!

I love you so much!!!! When you feel up to it, send me a message. Take all the time you need to rest.....

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Courtney