I am a Survivor

Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 7:48 pm

Ok I lnow some here might have read my long winded story over at CF. From what everyone replied, they said it was R*pe.

My only problem with this is I cant accept it. I feel guilty and ashamed that I let it happen.

What happened is the guy that did this to me was drunk. I did tell him to stop and tried to push him off and stand up but I couldnt. I'm not sure in my mind if I tried hard enough. At first he was unsafe, and after he had already taken my virginity, I asked him if he had a condom on. He said no and then put one on. What I am having a hard time with is that I let him continue after that. What I keep telling myself is that he would leave me alone after he finished with me, and I would never have to deal with that again. He had already forced himself into me, and what was done was done, I was ruined in my mind.

So if you wouldnt mind giving me you advice and thoughts about this, I would appreciate it. I feel that since I let him continue that it wasnt R*pe and that it was just sex and I want to call it different to not feel as guilty that I didnt wait until after I was married.

Loving Heart Joined: 24 Aug 2005 Posts: 55

Dearest lucybee,

Against your will means that you were unhappy, that you felt intimidated, instinctively you must have feared he would hurt you unless you gave in to him. A man is always a threat to a woman because he can hurt her with just his fists. Often he is larger and heavier, but most often, he is ALWAYS stronger than her. A drunk is a beast, who often will not even feel responsible for what he did when he was drunk. A cowardly excuse.

These things were all in the back of your mind. You were obliged to survive the ordeal. Blaming yourself or feeling guilt is the the lie that society and males would have you do. Never, ever blame yourself.

You were violated in a criminal offense. You would have had the right to defend yourself any way you could, by hurting him. He is lucky to not have to pay the costs of what he did.

The only thing you owe is to yourself, caring for yourself and allowing others to love and support your healing and recovery. Give yourself the further power to reach out and help others with their hurt.

God is with you, dear lady, you are dear to Him and to us,

Latreia

Admin Joined: 25 Aug 2005 Posts: 85 Location: Australia

"NO" Means "NO"

"NO" means NO.

"Not Now" means NO.

"Maybe Later" means NO.

"I Have A Boy/Girlfriend" means NO.

"No Thanks" means NO.

"You're Not My Type" means NO.

"*#^+ Off!" means NO.

"I'd Rather Be Alone Right Now" means NO.

"Don't Touch Me" means NO.

"I Really Like You But ..." means NO.

"Let's Just Go To Sleep" means NO.

"I'm Not Sure" means NO.

"You've/I've Been Drinking" means NO.

SILENCE means NO.

"__________ " means NO.

Date R*pe = Not Understanding "NO."

- Shaz

New Creation in Christ Jesus Joined: 27 Sep 2006 Posts: 5

I agree with Shaz. He would have preceeded if he agreed to put a condom or not. You did not let this happen... you fought for yourself before, during and after. Just because your body isn't flopping to fight the whole time, does not mean you welcome it. No one is prepared for such horror! All of our experiences go down a different way, however, it is R*pe or assault. No means no means no. Someone who rapes, whether stranger, acquaintaince, friend, partner, or husband/wife, = they are a rapist. There are a million different ways we can play out the scenario of that day(s)/night(s), however, we have no guarentee that reacting any different way would have stopped it from happening.
What you did my asking for him to wear a condom, was just your continued effort to protect yourself. You got through that horrific experience the best you could... that is all we can ever do!
Hang in there.
S