I am a Survivor

Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 9:52 am

When I was 12 years old I was in my bedroom all alone watching telly with just my nightie on. My bedroom door was shut all of a sudden I heard a knock on the door and then my step brother came in and shut the door behind him. He asked me what I was doing in bed. I said I am just watching some telly.

Then he choose to get into bed with me. I thought nothing of it at the time but then he said. DON'T BE AFRAID I am doing a experiment for school. He then started to touch my body then he kissed my small breasts at the time then his hand wandered on further down to between my legs I tried to scream at the time but he put his hand over my mouth so I could not do anything then he got on to on me and tried to make love to me. This carried on for a number of years before it stopped.

For goodness sakes i was only 12 years old. This carried on for a number of years and then I eventually had the courage to tell my mom and dad. My mom believed me but my dad never

The thing is he got away with it.

Then when I was at school I had a boyfriend and he invited me to his house to my knowledge I did not know that his friend was there with him. I did not know what to do. He told me to go upstairs which i did and I saw his friend there I asked what he was doing there he said you will find out. Then my boyfriend came into the room and tried to take my clothes of they succedeed in that they tried to hold me down and R*pe me. I managed to bit one of them and kick one of them.

Why me
what did i do to deserve this
are they sick

Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 7:44 pm

Dear Sweet Jenna,

I truly weep with you in all you have been through and are going through. I am seriously concerned about you.

Have you considered our loving suggestion to seek out a Women's shelter in your area? We are concerned for your safety ....

Love,

BlondieLashes

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 1:42 pm

what will happen there.

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:59 pm

Hi Jenna! As far as what would happen at a women's shelter...I am going off of my knowledge of shelters here in the US. I gather you live in the UK? I am assuming that shelters there would be similar.

A women's shelter will provide you with a place to stay (some very nice), food, clothes, often job training all in the saftey of a place that the person that is trying to harm you (your hubby?) cannot find or contact you. Basically, it's a place to seek refuge and have an opportunity to gather yourself together....many are run by Christian organizations....I just am unsure of where you live and what is available....

In prayer,

BlondieLashes

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 8:07 am

I live in birmingham England.

Loving Heart Joined: 24 Aug 2005 Posts: 55

Jenna,

That 12 year old was defenseless and wounded. She is in your care today. She is not alone now. Her story has been heard. You are old enough to take care of her. I have horrible flashbacks, too. Something can trigger a memory so painful that I am left shaking and crying. But that is the point, they hurt, but you don't have to let them move in with you, you can't let them do more harm.

What is much, much more important is where and who you are today. You are a woman, not a child, you are not alone, but you ignore that and cling to a memory of when you were not believed by your own parents. You are your parents today, just because they didn't take care of you is no reason for you not to take care of yourself now. Your Lord God is your Father today.

Your brother absolutely did not get away with it. Your parents are not God, and God knows what he did. Where is your brother today? Have you ever been able to talk to him in the years while you both were growing? Has he ever said he was wrong? You know he was wrong, that is much better than thinking you were to blame for what he did. Many M*l*st*d children think they deserved it and some even think they deserved being beaten and tortured by their parents.

Today, you have the chance to to give that 12 year old little girl in you some peace, but only if you give peace to yourself. God won't do it for you, but He will give you peace only when you will accept it and not keep going back and accepting flashbacks to ruin your life. How can you give peace to anyone else, if it is not within you?

Jenna, there is more in your mind today that is hurting you besides what your brother did. When you see what happens when you have the courage to confess and share it all with those who can understand, not because they are doctors or counselors, but because they have suffered and accepted Jesus completely. That moment may shatter you heart, but it won't happen if you cling to your pain. God cannot force you to make that last surrender.

Jenna, you have not released everything and you have not surrended everything to God. Why, Jenna, why?